so let me tell you all...
so let me tell you all... one day, you wake up and everything is different!
you lose a person who you deserve to lose.
you tell your parents finally what has happened...
and it's all of a sudden reality,
and it kinda sucks.
the truth is,
he's an amazing man.
really.
more man than i'll ever be...
and i dont think anything will ever change that!
i messed up. and now he's moving on.
and he should.
please dont be sad for me...
im plenty sad for all of us.
this really, is a venting...
i might as well use the outlet that he introduced me to two years ago!
i wanted to stop hurting him, and the only thing that would do that,
was honesty.
at least i thought it was!
what a pointless post... an apology?
retarded.
so let me tell you all... one day, i wake up and i realize i have nothing... really.
i mean family. and work.
but what is that?
i have to rebuild friendships, relationships with people who barely know me now...
i need to find new support systems, again... just humbling myself and going back to those who were there before him.
i find that i cant even say his name...
it hurts.
i think he's hurting more.
and i think i hate myself for that!
so let me tell you all... saturday, im waking up and bringing my sister to the hospital to have her baby.
she's to be enduced...
it's a boy.
and he's not gonna know him...
and it kills me.
i hate that i think about this so much...
that i wear a smile...
but inside... even three months after...
im like this.
a complete mess.
so let me tell you all... you can't have your cake and eat it too.
he's too good for that.
how sad is teddy? please guys... tell me im sad.
tell me he deserved better...
tell me he should have yelled more...
tell me he should have broken my heart...
tell me i lost the one thing that made my life right...
but dont.
coz i already know.
so let me tell you all... all i can do is let time heal scars.
let him grow without me.
and let myself grow up without him.
notice: he is to grow, and i am to grow up.
if ur lucky enough to know him... please watch out for him.
he's a great guy, and he needs you guys!
and tell him not to speed...
and tell him to go to sleep early...
and tell him not to cry...
and tell him he should study.
so let me tell you all...
i'll be okay.
just not today.