Current mood:	confused
Current music:	"Lord I offer my Life to You"

uplifted? unWANTED?

after about a year of hiatus, i journeyed into my past, and served at this years "Youth Encounter". there are so many ways i could describe the weekend, but it all ends up being one big contradiciton! i loved it, i didnt. i wanted to be there, i didnt. so random... so weird...

i was once lil mr. bld. and now it seems when im there im out of place... the one thing that kept me sane this weekend was knowing that the Lord had called me to service. i felt joy and happiness watching the youth embrace their new found relationship with God, yet at the same time there was so much B.S... crap that i had forgotten existed. so unBLD... so unGODLIKE... so... i dunno anymore.

maybe im just jaded, and i take things too personally. maybe im too hardcore and i expect too much of the youth... or maybe just maybe i want to see things go back to where the youth were praising God to PRAISE GOD! there is this innocence... i see it in the new youth who encountered the Lord this weekend... and i just wish that the other youth could almost use that as an example of where they should get back to... find the root of praise and worship. i know i did.

the weekend was at most times BEAUTIFULLY orchestrated... touching sharing, beautiful praise, fun activities, and a group of youth working together... how much more could be done to please the Lord? but then there were times where there was bickering, fighting, and juss silly actions. it wasnt even close to everyone... but i dont like having to sit there and watch someone doing something inappropriate... being afraid to tell them not to, just because i dont wanna come off as the BAD kuya, or the kill joy... or so many other bad words i've heard that i've been called.

so i guess for the most part im back. and im glad. my relationship with God has been put on the backburner for far too long... i've stayed away from the youth: my other family for far to long... but the question is, has the ministry changed so much that i will not be welcomed? or should i follow blindly relying on faith, because after all it is for the greater Glory of the Lord? im torn... its like being in a box... there's light... but i cant seem to get to it...





so tomorrow is day one... and i hope it'll be a good one. healing mass. how i've missed it. seeing all the families and kids i grew with... seeing influential people in my life... the people who have been there for me when all else failed... please Lord, let this be the right decision... although when all is said and done... i trust u completely.